i feel like im only a fraction of what i used to be
im losing myself in a funny kinda way now i feel. its like im stuck in this time abyss. not knowing exactly what im up. but yet at the same time rather conscious of what im doing. but not exactly caring about its consequences. right and wrong things are still black and white to me. but its significance just seems to wallow as the days go by.
what drives me? i ask. what makes me tick?
can i taken for a ride. spun around. turned upside down. and left totally exposed?
i feel that way now. even after so long.
three more months before i can think about what i wanna do. its not that i think about other issues THAT much. but yeah. i just feel like a firefighter man. fighting fire all over the shop. in office, in church and all. a mad rush everywhere to put out the fire. no time to breathe and think. but its good too i guess. everytime i think i feel like im going on a great big downward spiral. hahaha.
not that life never had a meaning. it did. but its the essence of hope. it gives. and it takes away. now trying to find new hope. to take back what has been given, albeit reluctantly, away.
so much for taking time to smell the flowers
its not that i don't want to.
its not.
i don't know why.
i can't.
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